06/28/2013

  • JOKES

    Stupid Joke: Serious Math Problem

    Little Zachary, a Jewish kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

    Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

    After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed.

    She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

    Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an “A” in math.

    She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?” Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

    “Well, then,” she replied, “was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?”

    Little Zachary looked at her and said, “Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around!”

    Indian Telephone Operator

    Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

    The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”

    Mujibar said, “I am ready.”

    The Manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.”

    Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister Manager, I am ready.”

    The Manager said, “Go ahead.”

    Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.’”

    Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.

    Prison vs. Work

    Just in case you ever got these two mixed up, This should make things a bit more clear.

    IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
    AT WORK you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

    IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
    AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

    IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
    AT WORK you get more work for good behavior.

    IN PRISON the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
    AT WORK you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

    IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
    AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

    Work vs. Prison

    Just in case you ever got these two mixed up, This should make things a bit more clear.

    IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
    AT WORK you have to share with some idiot who pees on the toilet.

    IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
    AT WORK you can’t speak to your family.

    IN PRISON all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
    AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

    IN PRISON you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
    AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

    IN PRISON you must deal with sadistic wardens.
    AT WORK they are called managers