06/30/2013
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JOKES
Doctors vs. Guns
Doctors:
The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000
Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.
Guns:
The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000
The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500
The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
Statistics courtesy of F.B.I.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, “Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.”
FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat immediatly. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!
Note: Out of concern for the public at large, the statistics on lawyers have been withheld for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
On Aging
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
Like a Newborn Baby
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”
“Really!? Like a new-born baby!?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
Getting Dressed
Hospital regulations required a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman – already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet – who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
