07/14/2013
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JOKES
Liners: Just One
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
Bumper Snickers
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Amusement on a Single Line
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what’s the speed of darkness?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Bladder Card
You had your bladder removed
and you’re on the mend.
Here’s a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
