07/18/2013
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JOKES
Cow Tube pt. 1
One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow.
The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow’s butt, and blew into the tube until the cow’s eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy.
About a week later, the cow’s eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow’s butt.
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Cow Tube pt. 2
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The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow’s butt and started to blow.
“What are you doing?” asked the farmer, horrified.
“Well, I wasn’t gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on.”
Girl’s Night Out pt. 1
One night my girls invited me out. I promised my husband I’d be home by midnight. Hours passed and margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 AM (a bit loaded) I headed home. Just as I got in the cuckoo clock chimed 3 times.
Afraid my hubby would wake I quickly cuckooed 9 more times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution.
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Girl’s Night Out pt. 2
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The next morning he asked what time I got in. I said “MIDNIGHT!” He seemed fine so I thought I’d gotten away with it. Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked why he said “Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, said ‘oh rats’, cuckooed 4 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed 3 times again, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and loudly broke wind.”
