08/12/2013

  • JOKES

     

    School Bus Ride

    It was the first day of school, after summer vacation and time for me to pick up the children in my school bus and take them home again.

    After I had made the complete run that afternoon, one little boy remained on the bus.

    Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving slowly back through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let me know if any of the houses or people looked familiar. The boy sat in his seat contentedly and shook his head whenever I asked him if he recognized a person or place.

    After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started back to the school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child got off the bus and started walking away.

    “Wait!” I called. “We have to go inside and find out where you live.”

    “I live right there,” he said, pointing to a house across the street. “I just always wanted to ride in a school bus.”

    Do you know what day this is?

    Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.”

    “Of course I do,” he indignantly answered. “How could you think I would forget?” Whereupon he left for the office.

    At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.

    “First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never had a more wonderful ‘Arbor Day’ in all my life!”

    Go Forth and Multiply

    After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals “To go forth and multiply.”

    All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark.

    “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah.

    “We can’t,” answered the snakes. “We’re adders.”

    Water in the Carburetor

    WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

    HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

    WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

    HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”

    WIFE: “In the pool.”