12/21/2012

  • JOKES

    I Just Needed To Use Your Car

    After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

    There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

    Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

    Meter Jumper

    What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

    It was toad!

    Cat Name

    After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too.

    "Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner.

    "No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."

     

    Catholic dog

    Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

    One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

    Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, an there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

    Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

    Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

     
     

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