12/30/2012

  • JOKES

    How Government Works

    Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.

    Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).

    Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.

    Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.

    Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

    So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin. Officer (GS-13) and a Legal Secretary (GS-08).

    Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost,” so they laid off the night watchman.

    Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

    10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

    9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

    8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

    7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

    6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.

    5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

    4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

    3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

    2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

    1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, “I can do better than that.”

    The Cat and the Comma

    What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

    One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

    First Football Game

    A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game.

    ‘I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,’ she said.

    ‘What do you mean?’ he asked.

    ‘Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’

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