01/20/2013

  • JOKES

    What $2 Can Buy

    His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation.

    Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"

    "A box of Tampax," he replied without hesitation.

    "Tampax?" said the doctor. "What would you do with that?"

    "Well," said Johnny, "I do not know exactly, but it's sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to."

     

    Unscheduled Outage

    It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return. And waits. And waits.

    "Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the network back to life," says the tech.

    Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no control over.

    The Administrator's response? "Next time, put it on the schedule before you have an unexpected outage!"

     

    Political Correctness

    I think the political correctness is getting ridiculous. Today I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans.

    Did You Ever Wonder?

    - If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

    - Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

    - If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    - If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    - When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Or do you get change?

    - Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

    - Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

    - Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a race car not called a racist?

    - Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

    - Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

    - Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

    - If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn'tit follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

     
     

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