02/25/2013

• JOKES

  How the Media Would Cover The Apocalypse USA Today: We're Dead The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share Sports Illustrated: Game Over Wired: The Last New Thing Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour Readers Digest: 'Bye Discover Magazine: How Will The Extinction Of All Life As We Know It Affect The Way We View The Cosmos? Tv Guide: Death And Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar! Lady's Home Journal: Lose 10 Lbs By Judgment Day With Our New "Armageddon" Diet! Inc. Magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit From The Apocalypse

  Some System Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train so that she could help with the house and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train 10 minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!"

  It All Makes Sense Now... Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time. Since: Knowledge = Power, then Knowledge = Work / Time, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work / Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge. Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

  Red and Blue Lights Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand. The lawyer asked, "When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?" "Yes, sir, they were." "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" "Yes, sir, she did." "And," looking at Judi, "what was it she said?" "She said, 'What disco am I at?'"

  • 2:44 pm
  • 2 Comments