03/19/2013

• JOKES

  Two Lions Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that made them claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf was a well traveled trail through the jungle. All day every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory. The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown to African Jack, a well-known and must publicized guide who did not speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory. While he was leading a safari through the jungle, walking all day and cutting vines with their machetes, all this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these two lions and camp for the night. After sitting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled African Jack sat on a stump and began reading. While he was busily engaged in the printed page, the two lions, simultaneously, pounced on African Jack and ate him on the spot. When the 6 o'clock news heard of the tragedy, they reported, "African Jack killed this evening. The motive is unclear, but it is reported he was reading between the lions."

  George Halas Years ago famed Chicago Bears coach George Halas was screaming at a referee from outside the designated coaching area when the ref slapped George with a 5 yard penalty. Halas threw down his hat and yelled at the referee, "You imbecile, it's a fifteen yard penalty, not a five yarder for coaching outside the box!" To which the referee supposedly replied, "I know, but the way you coach George, it'll only be five".

  Health Professionals in Heaven Three nurses died and went to Heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who questioned them. "What did you used to do back on Earth?" he asked the first nurse. "Why do you think you should be allowed into Heaven?" She told him, "I was a nurse at an inner city hospital. I worked to bring healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor children." "Very noble. You may enter." And he ushered her through the gates. He asked the same questions to the next nurse. "I was a missionary nurse in the Amazon. For many years I worked with a small group of doctors and nurses to help people in numerous tribes, healing them and telling them of God's love." The second nurse replied. "Excellent!" said St. Peter. And he ushered her through the gates as well. Finally he posed his questions to the third nurse. She hesitated, then explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO." St. Peter considered her answer for a moment, then told her, "Well, you can enter, too." "Wow!" the nurse exclaimed in relief. "I almost thought you weren't going to let me in." "Oh, you can certainly come in," St. Peter told her, "but you can only stay for three days."

  Murphy's Law - The Tech Version * All great discoveries are made by mistake. * Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. * Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. * All's well that ends. * A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. * A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. * Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work. * After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done.

  • 12:11 pm
  • 2 Comments