03/20/2013

  • DAILY JOKES

    Never Talk to the Parrot

    Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.

    "By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

    Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

    As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

    To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"

    Good Treatment

    Bob went over to his friend Joe's house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses.

    "Gee," Bob remarked later, "you really make a big fuss over your wife".

    "I started to appreciate her more about six months ago," Joe said. "It has revived our marriage and we couldn't be happier."

    Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. "Honey," Bob said, "whats' the matter?".

    "This has been the worst day," she replied. "This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk !".

    Bachelor Wisdom

    Bachelor cooking is a matter of attitude. If you think of it as setting fire to things and making a mess, it's fun. However, it's not so great if you think of it as dinner...

    Nomenclature is an important part of bachelor cooking. If you call it "Italian cheese toast," it's not disgusting to have warmed-over pizza for breakfast.

    Tidbits

    "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."

    --Gilbert Keith Chesterton

    ---

    "Recently, while I was on a shopping trip in a department store, I heard a little five-year-old talking to his mother on the down escalator. He said, 'Mommy, what do they do when the basement gets full of steps?'"

    --Hal Linden

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