03/31/2013

  • JOKES

    Old Car to Have Fixed

    I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.

    Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replace- ment parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from “Mas-a-what?” to “You’ve got to be kidding.” One guy just laughed.

    I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor’s Garage. “Vic,” I said, “you’re my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?”

    There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. “Yes,” he replied. “Oil.”

    Fishing Trip

    A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, “I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

    The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off. A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, “Did you have a good trip, dear?”

    The man replies, “Yep, the fishing was great… but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”

    His wife smiles and says, “Oh, no I didn’t… I put them in your tackle box!”

    The Penny Trick

    My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy’s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

    Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, “Do it again, Dad!”

    Crime

    Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

    “Give me your money,” he demanded.

    Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

    “In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”