04/20/2013

  • JOKES

    If I could hit the ball that way ...

    Bob Gibson, known for his sarcastic wit, caught teammate Curt Flood off guard with a rare compliment as Gibson watched him take batting practice."Way to hit the ball, roomie. If I could hit the ball that way, I'd take off my toeplate and retire from pitching," Gibson said.

    Flood smiled.

    "In fact, roomie,'' Gibson continued, "If I hit the way you do, I think I'd also retire from baseball."

    It is to Laff

    If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
    His wife!

    What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
    You can't keep a good man down!

    Who designed Noah's ark?
    An ark-itect!

    When did Caesar reign?
    I didn't know he reigned.
    Of course he did, didn't they hail him?

    Teacher: Where is your homework?
    Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine

    Yard Sale

    A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale."

    "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," her friend replied.

    "Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."

    Sahara Desert

    A man is lost in the Sahara desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling, "Mush! Mush!"

    Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time -- "Mush! Mush!" Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo bundled up in furs driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes.

    Thinking that it's a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"

    The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what you're doing here, or why, but thank God you are! I've been wandering around this desert for days, my water's all gone and I'm completely lost!"

    The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "YOU'RE lost?!"