Month: April 2013

  • SABBATH SERMON 4/27/28/13 YAHVAH’S ASSURANCE IN THE FACE OF PERSECUTION 1 Th 2:13-20

     


    1 Thessalonians 2:13-20


     
     
       
    		 

     

     


    Introduction:   The Word and what we see around us shows us how sinful some men can be. I am amazed at the blindness of people. Mostly our nation knows the truth and understands the benefits of moral and decent behavior, but then why do they ignore the truth and willing destroy themselves. All our present presidential candidates have a record of being liberals and standing for immorality, raising taxes, corruption and being liars. But what do people do? They continue to support them! Does that make sense? The answer is simple. YAHVAH says, “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of Yahvah: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Corinthians 2:14).

     

               Truth and righteousness are not well thought of in our sinful world. That means that Religious people who stand for Yahvah’s truth and for doing what is right, moral and decent will find themselves being at odds with society around them. But the faithful Brethren, and I emphasize the word “faithful” Brethren has Yahvah’s assurance of never being forsaken. The faithful Brethren is not alone when he faces trials, difficulties, and persecution.

     

    I. Salvation is received by belief. (1 Thess. 2:13)

     

     

    A. Salvation is received when the word of Yahvah is received. (v13)

     

     

        1. Paul was greatly encouraged and thanking the Eternal for the success of his preaching and teaching the word ofYahvah. He says his reason (cause) for thankfulness was that they not only heard the Yahvah’s truth the believed it.

    2. Often Yahvah’s word fell on deaf ears even as it does today. At Thessalonica the Jews heard, but in spite of the evidence that Yahvahosha was the Messiah,…they would not accept Him. That was a great disappointment to Paul and to all who through the ages have earnestly preached Yahvah’s truth only to have it rejected or ignored.

    B. Often the word of Yahvah is taken only to be the word of men. There are thousands of religions and beliefs and some conclude one is good as another.

     

     

        1. You hear the idea express as,

    “We are all working to go to the same place, just in different ways.” Nothing is further from the truth, “Yahvahosha saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6)

    2. Acts 4:12 plainly states, “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.”

    C. Heaven is our Yahvah and Creator’s domain only those who worship Him and receive by faith His love will go there.

     1.  “And Yahvahosha came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.” (Matthew 28:18) Folks the cults and false religion who worship a false deity and Messiah are not the children of Yahvah.

    2. Paul revealed this truth when he preached to the Athenians on Mars Hill saying. “Yahvah that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands” (Acts 17:24)

    3. The Scripture has stood the test of time. I am often amazed at the ignorance (not knowing, being unlearned) of those who attack it and will not believe it. The Scripture has been completely preserved over this past 2000 years. We know what the original autographs read. Yes there are a few variants between manuscripts, but we know in each case what was the original text. There are about 6000 extant manuscripts of the Restored Covenant which can be examined. There is only about 1 percent variants in these manuscripts. Thus the Scripture we have is the Word of Yahvah which has been preserved down through the centuries by Yahvah Himself. We can trust it and believe it because it is Yahvah’s very word.

    II. With Salvation can come persecution. (1 Th. 2:14-15)

     A. The Thessalonians suffered as did the Assemblies in Judaea. (v14) In our last message with discussed the persecutions that Paul and the early Brethren faced.

     1. To become a Brother/Sister meant to be rejected by the Jews and also the pagan Gentiles. The Romans put tens of thousands of believers to death, because they would not bow and worship false Deity. If all the religions of the earth were just different ways to getting to the same place…why did these believers suffer death rather than worship other deities?

    2. Paul’s statement shows there was a unity in the commitment of early Brethren to Yahvah’s truth. Other Assemblies in other counties and cities also stood up in the face of persecution and death and remained true to Yahvah’s word.

    3. Paul mentions the assemblies that were in Judaea. This is the area of Jerusalem in Israel. It should be noted that this verse says “Assemblies” instead of a singular “assembly.” There is never in the Restored Covenant any evidence of a universal Assembly or one Assembly having authority over all other Assemblies. There was no central authority, but each congregation was and autonomous body.

    4. The persecution of Brethren became worse after Yahvahosha was impaled. Yet, these men and women put their faith and trust in the Word of Yahvah and received Messiah as their Saviour. Dear friends they all are today in heaven with the Lord awaiting the day when Jesus will return.

     B. The persecution of The Brethren came from the Jews. (v15)

     1. It was the Jews killed the Saviour

     2. The Jews killed their own prophets. Read Hebrews 11:33-40.

     3. They persecuted Paul. 2 Corinthians 11:24-33

     C. The Jews were in total rebellion against Yahvah.

     1. The Jews sought to silence Paul’s preaching to the Gentiles, all the while rejected Yahvahosha themselves. Paul began taking the Gospel to the Jew first and then the Gentile. (Romans 1:16) They hated the Messiah and the Gospel and persecuted them relentlessly.

    2. Yahvah’s wrath was upon them to the uttermost. Paul predicted their down fall and destruction. This Epistle was written about 51 A.D. the persecution of the Brethren by the Jews was going strong. In as short 19 years later, in 70 AD Yahvah’s wrath would come upon the whole nation of Israel. Jerusalem would be completely destroyed the this proud and self righteous Jews would be killed by the thousands and the rest taken into a humiliating slavery.

    3. What is amazing to us is that the whole nation of Israel ended and the nation destroyed. Yahvah is longsuffering, but in time His wrath will come. America also has rejected Yahvahosha and turned to the grossest of sins. America too will fall under the judging hand of Almighty Yahvah. Yahvah will not long tolerate a nation who turns to sin. America began its rebellion in 1962 only 45 years ago. Yahvah’s clock is ticking and His wrath is coming.

    III. Paul again expresses his desire to see them again. (1 Thess. 2:18-19)

     

     A. Paul was hindered by Satan twice from visiting the Thessalonians. Paul said to the Ephesians, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12)

    Why do you think there is so many false religions and why are they seemingly so strong? Satan is powerful and he seeks through lies to deceive and destroy men…keeping them from coming to Messiah and accomplishing His will.

    “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.” (1 Peter 5:8-9)

    B. Paul asked them what is their hope, joy or crown of rejoicing?

    To Titus Paul wrote, “For the love of Yahvah that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying unrighteousness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and righteousness, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great Yahvah and our Saviour Yahvahosha; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.” (Titus 2:11-14)

     Peter also expressed this truth “Blessed be the Yahvah and Father of our Saviour Yahvahosha, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Yahvahosha from the dead, To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, Who are kept by the power of Yahvah through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” (1 Peter 1:3-5)

               Paul often spoke of the joy that comes with the hope that is in the coming of Messiah. “Now the Eternal of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” (Romans 15:13)

     

    Jude also speaks of the joy in the coming resurrection of Yahvahosha, “Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy” (Jude 24)

    3. The answer to overcoming the trial and persecution of the life is found in looking for the coming of the Saviour Yahvahosha It is the sure hope of the resurrection that will come. If you have believed in Messiah….you will be resurrected unto eternal life.

     Speaking to Martha, “Yahvahosha said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live” (John 11:25)

    Conclusio  The question this morning is do you have the peace and joy in your life that will stand you in good stead no matter what the circumstances?

     If you were facing death soon how would it effect you? We all will one day face death. Are we prepared for it? Is your faith strong and solid in your trusting in Yahvah’s promises for you?

     

    For the believer, death is only a door way that opens into the very present of Yahvah. It is the gateway Eden and YAHVAH’s presence.

    For the believer there is nothing to fearIf you do not have this assurance as to knowing for sure you will go to Eden one day…..would you believe Yahvah this morning and honestly admit you are a sinner like us all who has fallen short of the majesty of Yahvah. Would you repent and in faith put your faith in Messiah who loved you and died for your sins?

     

    To reject Yahvah’s word is to reject Yahvah Himself. If you have not received Yahvahosha as your Savior why not accept Him now. What could you possibly let keep you from receiving Yahvah’s forgiveness and eternal life?

     

     

     

  • INISPIRATIONAL QUOTES

    Motivational Quote of the Day…

    “You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.”

    Vernon Howard

    Love Quote of the Day…

    “The love we give away is the only love we keep.”

    Elbert Hubbard

  • DEVOTIONAL LANCASTER BAPTIST CHURCH

     

     
     

    Prayers God Hates

    By Paul Chappell
     
     
     
      Sunday, Apr 28, 2013

    “He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination.”

    Proverbs 28:9

    One of the wonderful attributes of God is His willingness to hear and answer prayer. The Bible is filled with promises about prayer, and we should certainly claim those promises. Yet there are prayers that God will not hear and answer, and as shocking as it may be to contemplate, there are prayers that God actually hates. These are prayers that are offered by those who refuse to submit in obedience to the Word of God yet expect to be heard anyway.

    The prophet Amos declared to the people that God was not interested in hearing from them because of the sin that they harbored in their hearts. “I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies. Though ye offer me burnt offerings and your meat offerings, I will not accept them: neither will I regard the peace offerings of your fat beasts” (Amos 5:21-22).

    In his book Prayer: Asking and Receiving, Dr. John Rice told the story of Charles Blanchard, who followed his father as the second president of Wheaton College. Blanchard’s wife had gotten sick, and doctors were unable to do anything to help. As a last resort they decided to try an operation. As he prayed about his wife’s condition, Dr. Blanchard was convicted of a certain matter in his heart which he had not addressed. He confessed that sin, prayed again, and his wife immediately began to recover and the operation was cancelled.

    Many times we wonder why God does not answer our prayers. We bombard Heaven fruitlessly, forgetting the warning of Scripture: “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me” (Psalm 66:18). Sin that we tolerate in our hearts not only breaks our fellowship with God but it keeps our prayers from being answered.

    Today’s Proverbs Precept: 
    Before you ask God for things in prayer, make sure that your heart is tuned to following and obeying His Word.

    Old Testament Reading
    1 Kings 3

    CHAPTER 3

    1 And Solomon made affinity with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh’s daughter, and brought her into the city of David, until he had made an end of building his own house, and the house of the LORD, and the wall of Jerusalem round about. 2 Only the people sacrificed in high places, because there was no house built unto the name of the LORD, until those days. 3 And Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes of David his father: only he sacrificed and burnt incense in high places. 4 And the king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there; for that was the great high place: a thousand burnt offerings did Solomon offer upon that altar.

    5 In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee. 6 And Solomon said, Thou hast shewed unto thy servant David my father great mercy, according as he walked before thee in truth, and in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart with thee; and thou hast kept for him this great kindness, that thou hast given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is this day. 7 And now, O LORD my God, thou hast made thy servant king instead of David my father: and I am but a little child: I know not how to go out or come in. 8 And thy servant is in the midst of thy people which thou hast chosen, a great people, that cannot be numbered nor counted for multitude. 9 Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people? 10 And the speech pleased the Lord, that Solomon had asked this thing. 11 And God said unto him, Because thou hast asked this thing, and hast not asked for thyself long life; neither hast asked riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of thine enemies; but hast asked for thyself understanding to discern judgment; 12 Behold, I have done according to thy words: lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart; so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee shall any arise like unto thee. 13 And I have also given thee that which thou hast not asked, both riches, and honour: so that there shall not be any among the kings like unto thee all thy days. 14 And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days. 15 And Solomon awoke; and, behold, it was a dream. And he came to Jerusalem, and stood before the ark of the covenant of the LORD, and offered up burnt offerings, and offered peace offerings, and made a feast to all his servants.

    16 Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him. 17 And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house. 18 And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this woman was delivered also: and we were together; there was no stranger with us in the house, save we two in the house. 19 And this woman’s child died in the night; because she overlaid it. 20 And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. 21 And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear. 22 And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is thy son. And this said, No; but the dead is thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king. 23 Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living. 24 And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king. 25 And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other. 26 Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it. 27 Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof. 28 And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.

     

    CHAPTER 4

    1 So king Solomon was king over all Israel. 2 And these were the princes which he had; Azariah the son of Zadok the priest, 3 Elihoreph and Ahiah, the sons of Shisha, scribes; Jehoshaphat the son of Ahilud, the recorder. 4 And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was over the host: and Zadok and Abiathar were the priests: 5 And Azariah the son of Nathan was over the officers: and Zabud the son of Nathan was principal officer, and the king’s friend: 6 And Ahishar was over the household: and Adoniram the son of Abda was over the tribute. 7 And Solomon had twelve officers over all Israel, which provided victuals for the king and his household: each man his month in a year made provision. 8 And these are their names: The son of Hur, in mount Ephraim: 9 The son of Dekar, in Makaz, and in Shaalbim, and Bethshemesh, and Elonbethhanan: 10 The son of Hesed, in Aruboth; to him pertained Sochoh, and all the land of Hepher: 11 The son of Abinadab, in all the region of Dor; which had Taphath the daughter of Solomon to wife: 12 Baana the son of Ahilud; to him pertained Taanach and Megiddo, and all Bethshean, which is by Zartanah beneath Jezreel, from Bethshean to Abelmeholah, even unto the place that is beyond Jokneam: 13 The son of Geber, in Ramothgilead; to him pertained the towns of Jair the son of Manasseh, which are in Gilead; to him also pertained the region of Argob, which is in Bashan, threescore great cities with walls and brasen bars: 14 Ahinadab the son of Iddo had Mahanaim: 15 Ahimaaz was in Naphtali; he also took Basmath the daughter of Solomon to wife: 16 Baanah the son of Hushai was in Asher and in Aloth: 17 Jehoshaphat the son of Paruah, in Issachar: 18 Shimei the son of Elah, in Benjamin: 19 Geber the son of Uri was in the country of Gilead, in the country of Sihon king of the Amorites, and of Og king of Bashan; and he was the only officer which was in the land.

    20 Judah and Israel were many, as the sand which is by the sea in multitude, eating and drinking, and making merry. 21 And Solomon reigned over all kingdoms from the river unto the land of the Philistines, and unto the border of Egypt: they brought presents, and served Solomon all the days of his life. 22 And Solomon’s provision for one day was thirty measures of fine flour, and threescore measures of meal, 23 Ten fat oxen, and twenty oxen out of the pastures, and an hundred sheep, beside harts, and roebucks, and fallowdeer, and fatted fowl. 24 For he had dominion over all the region on this side the river, from Tiphsah even to Azzah, over all the kings on this side the river: and he had peace on all sides round about him. 25 And Judah and Israel dwelt safely, every man under his vine and under his fig tree, from Dan even to Beersheba, all the days of Solomon. 26 And Solomon had forty thousand stalls of horses for his chariots, and twelve thousand horsemen. 27 And those officers provided victual for king Solomon, and for all that came unto king Solomon’s table, every man in his month: they lacked nothing. 28 Barley also and straw for the horses and dromedaries brought they unto the place where the officers were, every man according to his charge.

    29 And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the sea shore. 30 And Solomon’s wisdom excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom of Egypt. 31 For he was wiser than all men; than Ethan the Ezrahite, and Heman, and Chalcol, and Darda, the sons of Mahol: and his fame was in all nations round about. 32 And he spake three thousand proverbs: and his songs were a thousand and five. 33 And he spake of trees, from the cedar tree that is in Lebanon even unto the hyssop that springeth out of the wall: he spake also of beasts, and of fowl, and of creeping things, and of fishes. 34 And there came of all people to hear the wisdom of Solomon, from all kings of the earth, which had heard of his wisdom.

     

    CHAPTER 5

    1 And Hiram king of Tyre sent his servants unto Solomon; for he had heard that they had anointed him king in the room of his father: for Hiram was ever a lover of David. 2 And Solomon sent to Hiram, saying, 3 Thou knowest how that David my father could not build an house unto the name of the LORD his God for the wars which were about him on every side, until the LORD put them under the soles of his feet. 4 But now the LORD my God hath given me rest on every side, so that there is neither adversary nor evil occurrent. 5 And, behold, I purpose to build an house unto the name of the LORD my God, as the LORD spake unto David my father, saying, Thy son, whom I will set upon thy throne in thy room, he shall build an house unto my name. 6 Now therefore command thou that they hew me cedar trees out of Lebanon; and my servants shall be with thy servants: and unto thee will I give hire for thy servants according to all that thou shalt appoint: for thou knowest that there is not among us any that can skill to hew timber like unto the Sidonians. 7 And it came to pass, when Hiram heard the words of Solomon, that he rejoiced greatly, and said, Blessed be the LORD this day, which hath given unto David a wise son over this great people. 8 And Hiram sent to Solomon, saying, I have considered the things which thou sentest to me for: and I will do all thy desire concerning timber of cedar, and concerning timber of fir. 9 My servants shall bring them down from Lebanon unto the sea: and I will convey them by sea in floats unto the place that thou shalt appoint me, and will cause them to be discharged there, and thou shalt receive them: and thou shalt accomplish my desire, in giving food for my household.

    10 So Hiram gave Solomon cedar trees and fir trees according to all his desire. 11 And Solomon gave Hiram twenty thousand measures of wheat for food to his household, and twenty measures of pure oil: thus gave Solomon to Hiram year by year. 12 And the LORD gave Solomon wisdom, as he promised him: and there was peace between Hiram and Solomon; and they two made a league together. 13 And king Solomon raised a levy out of all Israel; and the levy was thirty thousand men. 14 And he sent them to Lebanon, ten thousand a month by courses: a month they were in Lebanon, and two months at home: and Adoniram was over the levy. 15 And Solomon had threescore and ten thousand that bare burdens, and fourscore thousand hewers in the mountains; 16 Beside the chief of Solomon’s officers which were over the work, three thousand and three hundred, which ruled over the people that wrought in the work. 17 And the king commanded, and they brought great stones, costly stones, and hewed stones, to lay the foundation of the house. 18 And Solomon’s builders and Hiram’s builders did hew them, and the stonesquarers: so they prepared timber and stones to build the house.

    New Testament Reading
    Luke 20:1

    1 And it came to pass, that on one of those days, as he taught the people in the temple, and preached the gospel, the chief priests and the scribes came upon him with the elders, 2 And spake unto him, saying, Tell us, by what authority doest thou these things? or who is he that gave thee this authority? 3 And he answered and said unto them, I will also ask you one thing; and answer me: 4 The baptism of John, was it from heaven, or of men? 5 And they reasoned with themselves, saying, If we shall say, From heaven; he will say, Why then believed ye him not? 6 But and if we say, Of men; all the people will stone us: for they be persuaded that John was a prophet. 7 And they answered, that they could not tell whence it was. 8 And Jesus said unto them, Neither tell I you by what authority I do these things.

    9 Then began he to speak to the people this parable; A certain man planted a vineyard, and let it forth to husbandmen, and went into a far country for a long time. 10 And at the season he sent a servant to the husbandmen, that they should give him of the fruit of the vineyard: but the husbandmen beat him, and sent him away empty. 11 And again he sent another servant: and they beat him also, and entreated him shamefully, and sent him away empty. 12 And again he sent a third: and they wounded him also, and cast him out. 13 Then said the lord of the vineyard, What shall I do? I will send my beloved son: it may be they will reverence him when they see him. 14 But when the husbandmen saw him, they reasoned among themselves, saying, This is the heir: come, let us kill him, that the inheritance may be ours. 15 So they cast him out of the vineyard, and killed him. What therefore shall the lord of the vineyard do unto them? 16 He shall come and destroy these husbandmen, and shall give the vineyard to others. And when they heard it, they said, God forbid. 17 And he beheld them, and said, What is this then that is written, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner? 18 Whosoever shall fall upon that stone shall be broken; but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder. 19 And the chief priests and the scribes the same hour sought to lay hands on him; and they feared the people: for they perceived that he had spoken this parable against them.

    20 And they watched him, and sent forth spies, which should feign themselves just men, that they might take hold of his words, that so they might deliver him unto the power and authority of the governor. 21 And they asked him, saying, Master, we know that thou sayest and teachest rightly, neither acceptest thou the person of any, but teachest the way of God truly: 22 Is it lawful for us to give tribute unto Caesar, or no? 23 But he perceived their craftiness, and said unto them, Why tempt ye me? 24 Shew me a penny. Whose image and superscription hath it? They answered and said, Caesar’s. 25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar’s, and unto God the things which be God’s. 26 And they could not take hold of his words before the people: and they marvelled at his answer, and held their peace.

    Proverb of the Day
    Proverbs 28

    1 The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion. 2 For the transgression of a land many are the princes thereof: but by a man of understanding and knowledge the state thereof shall be prolonged. 3 A poor man that oppresseth the poor is like a sweeping rain which leaveth no food. 4 They that forsake the law praise the wicked: but such as keep the law contend with them. 5 Evil men understand not judgment: but they that seek the LORD understand all things. 6 Better is the poor that walketh in his uprightness, than he that is perverse in his ways, though he be rich. 7 Whoso keepeth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father. 8 He that by usury and unjust gain increaseth his substance, he shall gather it for him that will pity the poor. 9 He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination. 10 Whoso causeth the righteous to go astray in an evil way, he shall fall himself into his own pit: but the upright shall have good things in possession. 11 The rich man is wise in his own conceit; but the poor that hath understanding searcheth him out. 12 When righteous men do rejoice, there is great glory: but when the wicked rise, a man is hidden. 13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. 14 Happy is the man that feareth alway: but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into mischief. 15 As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is a wicked ruler over the poor people. 16 The prince that wanteth understanding is also a great oppressor: but he that hateth covetousness shall prolong his days. 17 A man that doeth violence to the blood of any person shall flee to the pit; let no man stay him. 18 Whoso walketh uprightly shall be saved: but he that is perverse in his ways shall fall at once. 19 He that tilleth his land shall have plenty of bread: but he that followeth after vain persons shall have poverty enough. 20 A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent. 21 To have respect of persons is not good: for for a piece of bread that man will transgress. 22 He that hasteth to be rich hath an evil eye, and considereth not that poverty shall come upon him. 23 He that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favour than he that flattereth with the tongue. 24 Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression; the same is the companion of a destroyer. 25 He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. 26 He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered. 27 He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse. 28 When the wicked rise, men hide themselves: but when they perish, the righteous increase.

  • T&M THE GARDEN, OF YAHVAH’S PROMISES

    For ye here need patience, That after ye have done the will of Yahvah, ye might receive the promise. Heb 10:36.

    The promises of Yahvah are like precious flowers scattered through a garden. Yahvah would have us linger over them, looking closely into them, taking in their loveliness and appreciating the favor that Yahvah has bestowed upon is by  making such rich provision for our needs. Were it not for contemplation of the promises for our needs. Were it not for contemplation of the promises of Yahvah, we could not understand the precious love and compassion of Yahvah toward us or realize how rich were the treasures prepared for those who love Him. He would have the soul encouraged to response in faith upon Him, the only sufficiency of the human agent.

    We are to send our petitions though the darkest clouds that Satan may cast over us, and let our faith pierce to the throne  of Yahvah encircled  by the rainbow of promises, the assurance that Yahvah is true, that in Him is no variableness neither shadow of turning. The answer may appear to be delayed, but it is not so. The petition is accepted, and the answer given when it  is essential for the best good of the petitioner and when the fulfillment of the request will work most for our eternal interest. Yahvah scatters His blessings all along our path to brighten our journey to His Kingdom.

    We are to come before the mercy seat with reverence, calling up to our mind the promises that Yahvah has given, contemplating the goodness of Yahvah, and offering up thankful praises, but in the world of our heavenly  Father, in His assurance of His love for us. Believing the promise of His unchanging love, we press our petitions to the throne of grace. Our faith may be tested by delay, but the prophet has given instruction as to what we should do. He says, “Who is among you that fearth Yahvah, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of Yahvah, and stgay upon his Eternal. Isa 50:10.

    Wait upon Yahvah; He has made the promise and is back of the assurance…He who hungers and thirsts after righteousness will be filled.

    PRAYER: FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROMISES AND THEY ARE TRUE. WE KNOW THAT THE DEVIL TRIES TO BRING LIES TO US AND HAVE US FALL FOR THEM, BUT WE KNOW THAT YOUR PROMISES ARE TRUE AND YOU DO NOT LIFE. WE PRAY THAT YOU WILL BLESS US THIS DAY. IN YAHVAHOSHA’S NAME HALLELUYAH! Bro. Doc

  • MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES

    Life is made of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, sniffles predominating. O Henry, Gift of the Magi. Bro. Doc

  • DAILY QUOTE

    Having a baby’s sweet face so close to your own, for so long a time as it takes to nurse ‘em, is a great tonic for a sad soul.” Erica Eisdorfer
     

  • DEVOTIONAL LANCASTER BAPTIST CHURCH

    To

     
     

    Stay in Your Place

    By Paul Chappell
     
     
     
      Saturday, Apr 27, 2013

    “As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place.”

    Proverbs 27:8

    John Frederick Parker was one of the original officers when the Metropolitan Police Department for Washington DC was established in 1861. He had an undistinguished record, having been reprimanded on more than one occasion for sleeping or being drunk while on duty. Despite his checkered past, Parker was assigned to guard the booth of President Abraham Lincoln during the performance of Our American Cousin at Ford’s Theater that Lincoln attended on April 14, 1865.

    During the intermission of the play, Parker and several other men left the theater and went to a nearby tavern for drinks. As a result when John Wilkes Booth arrived at the presidential box, there was no security guard to stop him from entering and killing President Lincoln. Confronted later by Mary Todd Lincoln who blamed him for her husband’s murder, Parker said, “I did wrong, I admit, and have bitterly repented.” John Parker failed to stay in the place where he should have been, and tragedy followed.

    It is easy for us to find excuses for not being where we should be and doing what we should do but there is great value in diligence and reliability. Instead of being distracted, bored, or tempted by something else, we must be faithful to our responsibilities. This is true in our families, on our jobs, in the church, and everywhere we belong. A man or woman who is where they should be, doing what they should do, is far safer than one who is not. Think of David staying behind in Jerusalem and seeing Bathsheba on the rooftop. While he should have resisted the temptation, if he had been where he should have been, the temptation would never have happened. Don’t wander away from the place where God has put you in search of greener pastures.

    Today’s Proverbs Precept: 
    Be diligent about fulfilling whatever assignments God has placed in your life—it can literally be a matter of life and death.

    Old Testament Reading
    1 Kings 1

    CHAPTER 1

    1 Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat. 2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. 3 So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. 4 And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.

    5 Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king: and he prepared him chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. 6 And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so? and he also was a very goodly man; and his mother bare him after Absalom. 7 And he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest: and they following Adonijah helped him. 8 But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and the mighty men which belonged to David, were not with Adonijah. 9 And Adonijah slew sheep and oxen and fat cattle by the stone of Zoheleth, which is by Enrogel, and called all his brethren the king’s sons, and all the men of Judah the king’s servants: 10 But Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah, and the mighty men, and Solomon his brother, he called not.

    11 Wherefore Nathan spake unto Bathsheba the mother of Solomon, saying, Hast thou not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith doth reign, and David our lord knoweth it not? 12 Now therefore come, let me, I pray thee, give thee counsel, that thou mayest save thine own life, and the life of thy son Solomon. 13 Go and get thee in unto king David, and say unto him, Didst not thou, my lord, O king, swear unto thine handmaid, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne? why then doth Adonijah reign? 14 Behold, while thou yet talkest there with the king, I also will come in after thee, and confirm thy words. 15 And Bathsheba went in unto the king into the chamber: and the king was very old; and Abishag the Shunammite ministered unto the king. 16 And Bathsheba bowed, and did obeisance unto the king. And the king said, What wouldest thou? 17 And she said unto him, My lord, thou swarest by the LORD thy God unto thine handmaid, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne. 18 And now, behold, Adonijah reigneth; and now, my lord the king, thou knowest it not: 19 And he hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and hath called all the sons of the king, and Abiathar the priest, and Joab the captain of the host: but Solomon thy servant hath he not called. 20 And thou, my lord, O king, the eyes of all Israel are upon thee, that thou shouldest tell them who shall sit on the throne of my lord the king after him. 21 Otherwise it shall come to pass, when my lord the king shall sleep with his fathers, that I and my son Solomon shall be counted offenders. 22 And, lo, while she yet talked with the king, Nathan the prophet also came in. 23 And they told the king, saying, Behold Nathan the prophet. And when he was come in before the king, he bowed himself before the king with his face to the ground. 24 And Nathan said, My lord, O king, hast thou said, Adonijah shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne? 25 For he is gone down this day, and hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and hath called all the king’s sons, and the captains of the host, and Abiathar the priest; and, behold, they eat and drink before him, and say, God save king Adonijah. 26 But me, even me thy servant, and Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and thy servant Solomon, hath he not called. 27 Is this thing done by my lord the king, and thou hast not shewed it unto thy servant, who should sit on the throne of my lord the king after him? 28 Then king David answered and said, Call me Bathsheba. And she came into the king’s presence, and stood before the king. 29 And the king sware, and said, As the LORD liveth, that hath redeemed my soul out of all distress, 30 Even as I sware unto thee by the LORD God of Israel, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne in my stead; even so will I certainly do this day. 31 Then Bathsheba bowed with her face to the earth, and did reverence to the king, and said, Let my lord king David live for ever.

    32 And king David said, Call me Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada. And they came before the king. 33 The king also said unto them, Take with you the servants of your lord, and cause Solomon my son to ride upon mine own mule, and bring him down to Gihon: 34 And let Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet anoint him there king over Israel: and blow ye with the trumpet, and say, God save king Solomon. 35 Then ye shall come up after him, that he may come and sit upon my throne; for he shall be king in my stead: and I have appointed him to be ruler over Israel and over Judah. 36 And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada answered the king, and said, Amen: the LORD God of my lord the king say so too. 37 As the LORD hath been with my lord the king, even so be he with Solomon, and make his throne greater than the throne of my lord king David. 38 So Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, went down, and caused Solomon to ride upon king David’s mule, and brought him to Gihon. 39 And Zadok the priest took an horn of oil out of the tabernacle, and anointed Solomon. And they blew the trumpet; and all the people said, God save king Solomon. 40 And all the people came up after him, and the people piped with pipes, and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth rent with the sound of them.

    41 And Adonijah and all the guests that were with him heard it as they had made an end of eating. And when Joab heard the sound of the trumpet, he said, Wherefore is this noise of the city being in an uproar? 42 And while he yet spake, behold, Jonathan the son of Abiathar the priest came: and Adonijah said unto him, Come in; for thou art a valiant man, and bringest good tidings. 43 And Jonathan answered and said to Adonijah, Verily our lord king David hath made Solomon king. 44 And the king hath sent with him Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, and they have caused him to ride upon the king’s mule: 45 And Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet have anointed him king in Gihon: and they are come up from thence rejoicing, so that the city rang again. This is the noise that ye have heard. 46 And also Solomon sitteth on the throne of the kingdom. 47 And moreover the king’s servants came to bless our lord king David, saying, God make the name of Solomon better than thy name, and make his throne greater than thy throne. And the king bowed himself upon the bed. 48 And also thus said the king, Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which hath given one to sit on my throne this day, mine eyes even seeing it. 49 And all the guests that were with Adonijah were afraid, and rose up, and went every man his way. 50 And Adonijah feared because of Solomon, and arose, and went, and caught hold on the horns of the altar. 51 And it was told Solomon, saying, Behold, Adonijah feareth king Solomon: for, lo, he hath caught hold on the horns of the altar, saying, Let king Solomon swear unto me to day that he will not slay his servant with the sword. 52 And Solomon said, If he will shew himself a worthy man, there shall not an hair of him fall to the earth: but if wickedness shall be found in him, he shall die. 53 So king Solomon sent, and they brought him down from the altar. And he came and bowed himself to king Solomon: and Solomon said unto him, Go to thine house.

     

    CHAPTER 2

    1 Now the days of David drew nigh that he should die; and he charged Solomon his son, saying, 2 I go the way of all the earth: be thou strong therefore, and shew thyself a man; 3 And keep the charge of the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, to keep his statutes, and his commandments, and his judgments, and his testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, that thou mayest prosper in all that thou doest, and whithersoever thou turnest thyself: 4 That the LORD may continue his word which he spake concerning me, saying, If thy children take heed to their way, to walk before me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul, there shall not fail thee (said he) a man on the throne of Israel. 5 Moreover thou knowest also what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me, and what he did to the two captains of the hosts of Israel, unto Abner the son of Ner, and unto Amasa the son of Jether, whom he slew, and shed the blood of war in peace, and put the blood of war upon his girdle that was about his loins, and in his shoes that were on his feet. 6 Do therefore according to thy wisdom, and let not his hoar head go down to the grave in peace. 7 But shew kindness unto the sons of Barzillai the Gileadite, and let them be of those that eat at thy table: for so they came to me when I fled because of Absalom thy brother. 8 And, behold, thou hast with thee Shimei the son of Gera, a Benjamite of Bahurim, which cursed me with a grievous curse in the day when I went to Mahanaim: but he came down to meet me at Jordan, and I sware to him by the LORD, saying, I will not put thee to death with the sword. 9 Now therefore hold him not guiltless: for thou art a wise man, and knowest what thou oughtest to do unto him; but his hoar head bring thou down to the grave with blood. 10 So David slept with his fathers, and was buried in the city of David. 11 And the days that David reigned over Israel were forty years: seven years reigned he in Hebron, and thirty and three years reigned he in Jerusalem.

    12 Then sat Solomon upon the throne of David his father; and his kingdom was established greatly. 13 And Adonijah the son of Haggith came to Bathsheba the mother of Solomon. And she said, Comest thou peaceably? And he said, Peaceably. 14 He said moreover, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And she said, Say on. 15 And he said, Thou knowest that the kingdom was mine, and that all Israel set their faces on me, that I should reign: howbeit the kingdom is turned about, and is become my brother’s: for it was his from the LORD. 16 And now I ask one petition of thee, deny me not. And she said unto him, Say on. 17 And he said, Speak, I pray thee, unto Solomon the king, (for he will not say thee nay,) that he give me Abishag the Shunammite to wife. 18 And Bathsheba said, Well; I will speak for thee unto the king. 19 Bathsheba therefore went unto king Solomon, to speak unto him for Adonijah. And the king rose up to meet her, and bowed himself unto her, and sat down on his throne, and caused a seat to be set for the king’s mother; and she sat on his right hand. 20 Then she said, I desire one small petition of thee; I pray thee, say me not nay. And the king said unto her, Ask on, my mother: for I will not say thee nay. 21 And she said, Let Abishag the Shunammite be given to Adonijah thy brother to wife. 22 And king Solomon answered and said unto his mother, And why dost thou ask Abishag the Shunammite for Adonijah? ask for him the kingdom also; for he is mine elder brother; even for him, and for Abiathar the priest, and for Joab the son of Zeruiah. 23 Then king Solomon sware by the LORD, saying, God do so to me, and more also, if Adonijah have not spoken this word against his own life. 24 Now therefore, as the LORD liveth, which hath established me, and set me on the throne of David my father, and who hath made me an house, as he promised, Adonijah shall be put to death this day. 25 And king Solomon sent by the hand of Benaiah the son of Jehoiada; and he fell upon him that he died.

    26 And unto Abiathar the priest said the king, Get thee to Anathoth, unto thine own fields; for thou art worthy of death: but I will not at this time put thee to death, because thou barest the ark of the Lord GOD before David my father, and because thou hast been afflicted in all wherein my father was afflicted. 27 So Solomon thrust out Abiathar from being priest unto the LORD; that he might fulfil the word of the LORD, which he spake concerning the house of Eli in Shiloh. 28 Then tidings came to Joab: for Joab had turned after Adonijah, though he turned not after Absalom. And Joab fled unto the tabernacle of the LORD, and caught hold on the horns of the altar. 29 And it was told king Solomon that Joab was fled unto the tabernacle of the LORD; and, behold, he is by the altar. Then Solomon sent Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, saying, Go, fall upon him. 30 And Benaiah came to the tabernacle of the LORD, and said unto him, Thus saith the king, Come forth. And he said, Nay; but I will die here. And Benaiah brought the king word again, saying, Thus said Joab, and thus he answered me. 31 And the king said unto him, Do as he hath said, and fall upon him, and bury him; that thou mayest take away the innocent blood, which Joab shed, from me, and from the house of my father. 32 And the LORD shall return his blood upon his own head, who fell upon two men more righteous and better than he, and slew them with the sword, my father David not knowing thereof, to wit, Abner the son of Ner, captain of the host of Israel, and Amasa the son of Jether, captain of the host of Judah. 33 Their blood shall therefore return upon the head of Joab, and upon the head of his seed for ever: but upon David, and upon his seed, and upon his house, and upon his throne, shall there be peace for ever from the LORD. 34 So Benaiah the son of Jehoiada went up, and fell upon him, and slew him: and he was buried in his own house in the wilderness.

    35 And the king put Benaiah the son of Jehoiada in his room over the host: and Zadok the priest did the king put in the room of Abiathar. 36 And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said unto him, Build thee an house in Jerusalem, and dwell there, and go not forth thence any whither. 37 For it shall be, that on the day thou goest out, and passest over the brook Kidron, thou shalt know for certain that thou shalt surely die: thy blood shall be upon thine own head. 38 And Shimei said unto the king, The saying is good: as my lord the king hath said, so will thy servant do. And Shimei dwelt in Jerusalem many days. 39 And it came to pass at the end of three years, that two of the servants of Shimei ran away unto Achish son of Maachah king of Gath. And they told Shimei, saying, Behold, thy servants be in Gath. 40 And Shimei arose, and saddled his ass, and went to Gath to Achish to seek his servants: and Shimei went, and brought his servants from Gath. 41 And it was told Solomon that Shimei had gone from Jerusalem to Gath, and was come again. 42 And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said unto him, Did I not make thee to swear by the LORD, and protested unto thee, saying, Know for a certain, on the day thou goest out, and walkest abroad any whither, that thou shalt surely die? and thou saidst unto me, The word that I have heard is good. 43 Why then hast thou not kept the oath of the LORD, and the commandment that I have charged thee with? 44 The king said moreover to Shimei, Thou knowest all the wickedness which thine heart is privy to, that thou didst to David my father: therefore the LORD shall return thy wickedness upon thine own head; 45 And king Solomon shall be blessed, and the throne of David shall be established before the LORD for ever. 46 So the king commanded Benaiah the son of Jehoiada; which went out, and fell upon him, that he died. And the kingdom was established in the hand of Solomon.

    New Testament Reading
    Luke 19:28

    28 And when he had thus spoken, he went before, ascending up to Jerusalem. 29 And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called the mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples, 30 Saying, Go ye into the village over against you; in the which at your entering ye shall find a colt tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring him hither. 31 And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose him? thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him. 32 And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them. 33 And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt? 34 And they said, The Lord hath need of him. 35 And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the colt, and they set Jesus thereon. 36 And as he went, they spread their clothes in the way. 37 And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen; 38 Saying, Blessed be the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest. 39 And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Master, rebuke thy disciples. 40 And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.

    41 And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it, 42 Saying, If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes. 43 For the days shall come upon thee, that thine enemies shall cast a trench about thee, and compass thee round, and keep thee in on every side, 44 And shall lay thee even with the ground, and thy children within thee; and they shall not leave in thee one stone upon another; because thou knewest not the time of thy visitation. 45 And he went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold therein, and them that bought; 46 Saying unto them, It is written, My house is the house of prayer: but ye have made it a den of thieves. 47 And he taught daily in the temple. But the chief priests and the scribes and the chief of the people sought to destroy him, 48 And could not find what they might do: for all the people were very attentive to hear him.

    Proverb of the Day
    Proverbs 27

    1 Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. 2 Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. 3 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool’s wrath is heavier than them both. 4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy? 5 Open rebuke is better than secret love. 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. 7 The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. 8 As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place. 9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel. 10 Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off. 11 My son, be wise, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him that reproacheth me. 12 A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished. 13 Take his garment that is surety for a stranger, and take a pledge of him for a strange woman. 14 He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. 15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. 16 Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself. 17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. 18 Whoso keepeth the fig tree shall eat the fruit thereof: so he that waiteth on his master shall be honoured. 19 As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man. 20 Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied. 21 As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise. 22 Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him. 23 Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds. 24 For riches are not for ever: and doth the crown endure to every generation? 25 The hay appeareth, and the tender grass sheweth itself, and herbs of the mountains are gathered. 26 The lambs are for thy clothing, and the goats are the price of the field. 27 And thou shalt have goats’ milk enough for thy food, for the food of thy household, and for the maintenance for thy maidens

  • INSPIRATIOAL QUOTES

    Motivational Quote of the Day…

    “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter..”

    Marlene Dietrich

    Love Quote of the Day…

    “Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.”

    Sarah Bernhardt

  • DAILY QUOTE

    „Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.” Lois McMaster Bujold

     

  • JOKES

    Dusty Housekeeping

    My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.

    One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.”

    Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, “Yes, darling, I know. That’s why I married a college graduate.”

    Ice Cream Humor

    Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams
    A. In floats

    Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?
    A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!

    Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ?
    A: Ice Cream

    Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
    A: Pi a’la mode.

    Two Lions

    Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that made them claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf was a well traveled trail through the jungle.

    All day every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.

    The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown to African Jack, a well-known and must publicized guide who did not speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory.

    While he was leading a safari through the jungle, walking all day and cutting vines with their machetes, all this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these two lions and camp for the night.

    After sitting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled African Jack sat on a stump and began reading. While he was busily engaged in the printed page, the two lions, simultaneously, pounced on African Jack and ate him on the spot.

    When the 6 o’clock news heard of the tragedy, they reported, “African Jack killed this evening. The motive is unclear, but it is reported he was reading between the lions.”

    Funny Signs

    In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.”

    In a funeral parlor: “Ask about our layaway plan.”

    In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

    In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store: “15 men’s wool suits, $10. They won’t last an hour!”

    On a shopping mall marquee: “Archery Tournament-Ears pierced”

    Outside a country shop: “We buy junk and sell antiques.”

    In the window of an Oregon store: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”

    In the vestry of a New England church: “Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.”