05/31/2013

• Signs You Have Nothing To Do At Work 1. You’ve read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar 2. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis. 3. You’ve definitively figured out a way to get Gilligan OFF the island. 4. You decide to see how many Surges you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs. 5. People come into your office frequently to borrow pencils from your ceiling. 6. The 5th Division of Paperclips has completely overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

  Stricter with the screening process A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven. The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary. The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.” The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.” He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life. She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too. He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?” The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year . . .” “Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?

  Yard Sale A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend’s yard sale, and said to her, “My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale.” “I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found,” her friend replied. “Normally, yes,” she said. “But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set.”

  • 12:18 pm
  • Comments Off