Month: July 2013

  • JOKES

     

    Things My Mother Taught Me

    My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done – if you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

    My mother taught me religion – you better pray that will come out of the carpet.

    My mother taught me about time travel – if you don’t straighten up, i’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!

    My mother taught me logic – because, i said so, that’s why.

    My mother taught me more logic – if you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.

    My mother taught me foresight – make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.

    Mom's Teachings

    My mother taught me irony – keep crying and i’ll give you something to cry about.

    My mother taught me about the science of osmosis – shut your mouth and eat your supper.

    My mother taught me about contortionism – will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck.

    My mother taught me about stamina – you’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

    My mother taught me about weather – this room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.

    My mother taught me about hypocrisy – if i told you once, i’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

    My Mother Was Smart

    My mother taught me the circle of life – i brought you into this world, and i can take you out.

    My mother taught me about behavior modification – stop acting like your father!

    My mother taught me about envy – there are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.

    My mother taught me about anticipation – just wait until we get home.

    My mother taught me about receiving – you are going to get it when you get home!

    My mother taught me medical science – if you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.

    Mom Knew a Few Things

    My mother taught me esp – put your sweater on; don’t you think i know when you are cold?

    My mother taught me humor – when that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.

    My mother taught me how to become an adult – if you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.

    My mother taught me about my roots – shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?

    My mother taught me wisdom – when you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

    My mother taught me about justice – one day you’ll have kids, and i hope they turn out just like you!
     

     

  • DEVOTIONAL LANCASTER BAPTIST CHURCH


     

    Unbribable Justice

    By Paul Chappell
     
     
     
      Thursday, Jul 11, 2013

    "Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered."

    Proverbs 11:21

    When Diana Valencia was arrested in Texas on drug charges in September of 2008, there was little doubt regarding her guilt. Anyone caught with two kilos of cocaine is going to have difficulty explaining that away as an innocent mistake. However she came up with a novel attempt at getting off—she and her sister decided to bribe the judge who would be hearing her case to make sure she got off. The plan might have worked, since the judge was willing to take the money—except the FBI got involved.

    Agents had been suspicious of Judge Manuel Barraza, and they cut a deal with Valencia’s sister to record her meetings with the judge. She taped a total of five conversations with the judge in which they agreed on the price for getting her sister off. Barraza was arrested and convicted and lost his judicial position because of his attempts to circumvent justice for profit.

    Many people think that they can enjoy sin and then find some means of avoiding the consequences. As one old preacher said, they sow wild oats and then pray for crop failure. But no matter what devices we come up with, God is a sure and certain judge. We cannot bargain with or bribe Him. His hatred of sin parallels His perfect holiness. He does not turn away from sin.

    The only hope that we have when we have sinned is to repent and seek forgiveness through the blood of Christ. John wrote, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Sin that we attempt to hide or cover will always result in condemnation—sin that we confess will be forgiveen.

    Today’s Proverbs Precept: 
    God’s justice may be delayed for a time, but no matter what attempts are made to avoid it, it eventually comes.

    Old Testament Reading
    Psalm 1

    PSALM 1

    1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. 3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

    4 The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. 5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. 6 For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

     

    PSALM 2

    1 Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? 2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying, 3 Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us. 4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision. 5 Then shall he speak unto them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure. 6 Yet have I set my king upon my holy hill of Zion.

    7 I will declare the decree: the LORD hath said unto me, Thou art my Son; this day have I begotten thee. 8 Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. 9 Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel.

    10 Be wise now therefore, O ye kings: be instructed, ye judges of the earth. 11 Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.

     

    PSALM 3

    A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son.

    1 LORD, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. 2 Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. 3 But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.

    4 I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah. 5 I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. 6 I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about. 7 Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly. 8 Salvation belongeth unto the LORD: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah.

    New Testament Reading
    Acts 17:1

    1 Now when they had passed through Amphipolis and Apollonia, they came to Thessalonica, where was a synagogue of the Jews: 2 And Paul, as his manner was, went in unto them, and three sabbath days reasoned with them out of the scriptures, 3 Opening and alleging, that Christ must needs have suffered, and risen again from the dead; and that this Jesus, whom I preach unto you, is Christ. 4 And some of them believed, and consorted with Paul and Silas; and of the devout Greeks a great multitude, and of the chief women not a few. 5 But the Jews which believed not, moved with envy, took unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city on an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring them out to the people. 6 And when they found them not, they drew Jason and certain brethren unto the rulers of the city, crying, These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also; 7 Whom Jason hath received: and these all do contrary to the decrees of Caesar, saying that there is another king, one Jesus. 8 And they troubled the people and the rulers of the city, when they heard these things. 9 And when they had taken security of Jason, and of the other, they let them go.

    10 And the brethren immediately sent away Paul and Silas by night unto Berea: who coming thither went into the synagogue of the Jews. 11 These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. 12 Therefore many of them believed; also of honourable women which were Greeks, and of men, not a few. 13 But when the Jews of Thessalonica had knowledge that the word of God was preached of Paul at Berea, they came thither also, and stirred up the people. 14 And then immediately the brethren sent away Paul to go as it were to the sea: but Silas and Timotheus abode there still. 15 And they that conducted Paul brought him unto Athens: and receiving a commandment unto Silas and Timotheus for to come to him with all speed, they departed.

    Proverb of the Day
    Proverbs 11

    1 A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight. 2 When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom. 3 The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them. 4 Riches profit not in the day of wrath: but righteousness delivereth from death. 5 The righteousness of the perfect shall direct his way: but the wicked shall fall by his own wickedness. 6 The righteousness of the upright shall deliver them: but transgressors shall be taken in their own naughtiness. 7 When a wicked man dieth, his expectation shall perish: and the hope of unjust men perisheth. 8 The righteous is delivered out of trouble, and the wicked cometh in his stead. 9 An hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered. 10 When it goeth well with the righteous, the city rejoiceth: and when the wicked perish, there is shouting. 11 By the blessing of the upright the city is exalted: but it is overthrown by the mouth of the wicked. 12 He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace. 13 A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. 14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. 15 He that is surety for a stranger shall smart for it: and he that hateth suretiship is sure. 16 A gracious woman retaineth honour: and strong men retain riches. 17 The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh. 18 The wicked worketh a deceitful work: but to him that soweth righteousness shall be a sure reward. 19 As righteousness tendeth to life: so he that pursueth evil pursueth it to his own death. 20 They that are of a froward heart are abomination to the LORD: but such as are upright in their way are his delight. 21 Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered. 22 As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. 23 The desire of the righteous is only good: but the expectation of the wicked is wrath. 24 There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty. 25 The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself. 26 He that withholdeth corn, the people shall curse him: but blessing shall be upon the head of him that selleth it. 27 He that diligently seeketh good procureth favour: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him. 28 He that trusteth in his riches shall fall: but the righteous shall flourish as a branch. 29 He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. 30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise. 31 Behold, the righteous shall be recompensed in the earth: much more the wicked and the sinner.

     

  • QUOTE OF THE DAY

    "Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."
    -- Will Rogers, humorist

  • T&M ACKNOWLEDGE HIM

    In all thy way acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Prov 3:6

    We lean to our own understanding, or we bank on service and do away with prayer, and consequently by succeeding in the external we fail in the the eternal, because in the eternal we succeed only by prevailing prayer.

    PRAYER: FATHER HELP ME, TO NOT LEAN TO MY OWN UNDERSTANDING, BECAUSE IF I DO, I WILL SURELY FAIL. HELP ME TO LEAN ON YOU AND FOLLOW YOUR WAYS. HALLELUYAH! Bro. Doc

  • MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

    Too Much, Not Enough. Patrick Sullivan. Bro. Doc

  • DAILY QUOTE

    "Cats are smart. You know it and I know it." Debbie Mertens

  • JOKES

    90% of statisticians agree that 90 of statistics involve numbers.

    Three statisticians go deer hunting with bows and arrows; they spot a big buck and take aim.

    One shoots and his arrow flies off three meters to the right.

    The second shoots and his arrow flies off three meters to the left.

    The third statistician jumps up and down yelling: "We got him! We got him!"

    My To-Do List

    The to-do list for tomorrow is so daunting that I'm putting off writing the to-do list til tomorrow, which means the first thing on tomorrow's to-do list is writing my to-do list. I feel like there's a tautology in there, someplace...

    Duck to Chicken

    A duck was standing on the curb looking across the street when a chicken yelled to him...

    "Don't do it buddy, you will never hear the end of it!"

    Fairytale Evidence

    Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes really can change your life!
     

     

  • INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

    Motivational Quote of the Day…

    "Those that are the loudest in their threats are the weakest in their actions."

    Charles Caleb Colton

    Love Quote of the Day…

    “The heart forgets its sorrow and ache.”

    James Russell Lowell

  • QUOTE OF THE DAY

    "Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
    -- Johann von Goethe

  • DEVOTIONAL LANCASTER BAPTIST CHURCH

     

     
     

    Staying on the Right Path

    By Paul Chappell
     
     
     
      Wednesday, Jul 10, 2013

    "He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth."

    Proverbs 10:17

    There were 128 runners in the field for the cross country race at the 1993 NCAA Division II Track and Field Championships. As they set out on the 6.2 mile run, they were following a course that had been marked for them by the race officials. Toward the end of the course, one of the runners in the middle of the group realized something was wrong. Mike

    Delcavo of Western State College in Colorado saw that the main pack had missed the turn. “I was waving for them to follow me and yelling ‘This is the right way,’” he told an interviewer after the race.
    Delcavo was right—but only four other runners followed him. The rest continued on the shortcut, which allowed them to run a shorter distance and finish the race sooner. In a widely-criticized decision, race officials allowed the abbreviated route to stand as the “official course” and Delcavo officially finished 123rd.

    The world does not always reward staying on track—literally or figuratively. But the path we follow is important to God. One day, those of us who have already trusted Christ for our salvation will appear before the Lord for an evaluation of our service. Our entrance to Heaven is sure—that was settled when we received Christ. But rewards—or the loss of them—for how we spent our lives are not so sure. When we stand before the Lord, no shortcuts will be recognized, and only those who have run the race by His guidebook will be honored.

    Paul wrote, “And if a man also strive for masteries, yet is he not crowned, except he strive lawfully” (2 Timothy 2:5). There may be times when most of the people around you are going in a direction that Scripture forbids. Do not allow your convictions to be swayed by the actions of a group, even if it is a large group. Be willing to stand firm for truth, even if it means that you stand alone.

    Today’s Proverbs Precept: 
    No matter which way the majority goes, if you stick to the Word of God you will always be on the right path.

    Old Testament Reading
    Job 41

    CHAPTER 41

    1 Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down? 2 Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn? 3 Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee? 4 Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever? 5 Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens? 6 Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants? 7 Canst thou fill his skin with barbed irons? or his head with fish spears? 8 Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more. 9 Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him? 10 None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?

    11 Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine. 12 I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion. 13 Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle? 14 Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about. 15 His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal. 16 One is so near to another, that no air can come between them. 17 They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered. 18 By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning. 19 Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out. 20 Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron. 21 His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth. 22 In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him. 23 The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved. 24 His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone. 25 When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves. 26 The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon. 27 He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood. 28 The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble. 29 Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear. 30 Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire. 31 He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment. 32 He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary. 33 Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear. 34 He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.

     

    CHAPTER 42

    1 Then Job answered the LORD, and said, 2 I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. 3 Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. 4 Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me. 5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. 6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

    7 And it was so, that after the LORD had spoken these words unto Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath. 8 Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you: for him will I accept: lest I deal with you after your folly, in that ye have not spoken of me the thing which is right, like my servant Job. 9 So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went, and did according as the LORD commanded them: the LORD also accepted Job.

    10 And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before. 11 Then came there unto him all his brethren, and all his sisters, and all they that had been of his acquaintance before, and did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him, and comforted him over all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him: every man also gave him a piece of money, and every one an earring of gold. 12 So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses. 13 He had also seven sons and three daughters. 14 And he called the name of the first, Jemima; and the name of the second, Kezia; and the name of the third, Kerenhappuch. 15 And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren. 16 After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, even four generations. 17 So Job died, being old and full of days.

    New Testament Reading
    Acts 16:22

    22 And the multitude rose up together against them: and the magistrates rent off their clothes, and commanded to beat them. 23 And when they had laid many stripes upon them, they cast them into prison, charging the jailor to keep them safely: 24 Who, having received such a charge, thrust them into the inner prison, and made their feet fast in the stocks.

    25 And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them. 26 And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed. 27 And the keeper of the prison awaking out of his sleep, and seeing the prison doors open, he drew out his sword, and would have killed himself, supposing that the prisoners had been fled. 28 But Paul cried with a loud voice, saying, Do thyself no harm: for we are all here. 29 Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas, 30 And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? 31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. 32 And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house. 33 And he took them the same hour of the night, and washed their stripes; and was baptized, he and all his, straightway. 34 And when he had brought them into his house, he set meat before them, and rejoiced, believing in God with all his house.

    35 And when it was day, the magistrates sent the serjeants, saying, Let those men go. 36 And the keeper of the prison told this saying to Paul, The magistrates have sent to let you go: now therefore depart, and go in peace. 37 But Paul said unto them, They have beaten us openly uncondemned, being Romans, and have cast us into prison; and now do they thrust us out privily? nay verily; but let them come themselves and fetch us out. 38 And the serjeants told these words unto the magistrates: and they feared, when they heard that they were Romans. 39 And they came and besought them, and brought them out, and desired them to depart out of the city. 40 And they went out of the prison, and entered into the house of Lydia: and when they had seen the brethren, they comforted them, and departed.

    Proverb of the Day
    Proverbs 10

    1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
    2 Treasures of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness delivereth from death. 3 The LORD will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish: but he casteth away the substance of the wicked.
    4 He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.
    5 He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame.
    6 Blessings are upon the head of the just: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.
    7 The memory of the just is blessed: but the name of the wicked shall rot.
    8 The wise in heart will receive commandments: but a prating fool shall fall.
    9 He that walketh uprightly walketh surely: but he that perverteth his ways shall be known.
    10 He that winketh with the eye causeth sorrow: but a prating fool shall fall.
    11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.
    12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.
    13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding.
    14 Wise men lay up knowledge: but the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.
    15 The rich man’s wealth is his strong city: the destruction of the poor is their poverty.
    16 The labour of the righteous tendeth to life: the fruit of the wicked to sin.
    17 He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth.
    18 He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool.
    19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
    20 The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth. 21 The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom.
    22 The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.
    23 It is as sport to a fool to do mischief: but a man of understanding hath wisdom.
    24 The fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him: but the desire of the righteous shall be granted. 25 As the whirlwind passeth, so is the wicked no more: but the righteous is an everlasting foundation.
    26 As vinegar to the teeth, and as smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to them that send him.
    27 The fear of the LORD prolongeth days: but the years of the wicked shall be shortened. 28 The hope of the righteous shall be gladness: but the expectation of the wicked shall perish.
    29 The way of the LORD is strength to the upright: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity. 30 The righteous shall never be removed: but the wicked shall not inhabit the earth.
    31 The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom: but the froward tongue shall be cut out. 32 The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardness.