12/29/2012

  • Out of the Home

    While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started talking.

    He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we home-schooled them.

    With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family. I said, “No, I also work … out of our home.”

    Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in. “He was born at home,” I answered.

    The man looked at me, then said, “Wow, you don’t get out much, do you?”

    Knock Knock! Who’s There?

    Waddle.

    Waddle who?

    Waddle you give me if I go away?

    A Nice Boy

    One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

    Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. “Dear,” said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.”

    “Oh please, Mom,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

    It Might Be the Light

    Deep In the back woods, a hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

    Whoa there, said the doctor, “Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!” said the doctor.

    Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

    “No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.

    The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ‘em?