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Jokes of the day - Bath Jokes
The plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, "Will it be alright if I have a bath while you're having your lunch?" "It's okay with me lady," said the plumber, "as long as you don't splash my sandwiches."
Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them ? Stan: In the bathroom Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath ? Stan: Blindfold them !
Which birds steal soap from the bath ? Robber ducks !
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Why did the robber take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway.
Daily Inspiration |
December 18, 2012 Your daily dose of Inspiration |
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Motivational Quote of the Day…“Life is too short to work so hard." Vivien Leigh
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Love Quote of the Day…“Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.” Thomas Aquinas
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I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Ps 119;59,105
Yahvah sent us His Word and His Light--in the person of Yahvahosha Messiah.
PRAYER: YAHVAH, WE ARE GLAD THAT YOU SENT THE SON YAHVAHOSHA INTO THE WORLD TO BE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD. WITHOUT YAHVAHOSHA AS THE LIGHT, WHERE WOULD WE BE. WE THANK YOU THAT HE SHINES THE LIGHT FOR US TOO FOLLOW. HALLELUYAH! BRO. DOC
Always Wear Your Seat BeltThis old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him. He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!" So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He walks up to the car and says, "Say, I noticed you weren't wearing your seat belt." The rancher says, "I was too, but you don't have to take my word for it-- my wife here is a good Christian woman, ask her; she'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything." The cop says to the wife, "So? How about it, ma'am?" And the wife says: "I've been married to Buck for twenty years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this - you never argue with him when he's drunk." |
Not Much of A ManA grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in. The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
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Great Truths About Life that Adults Have Learned- Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. - There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. - Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. - The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. - Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. - Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. - The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. - If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. - Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. - You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
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The Critical BarberSo the guy goes in to his barber. He's all excited, and says, "I'm going to go to Rome. I'm flying on Alitalia and staying at the Rome Hilton, and I'm going to see the Pope!" The barber says, "Ha! Alitalia is a terrible airline, the Rome Hilton is a dump, and when you see the Pope, you'll probably be standing in back of about ten thousand people." So the guy goes to Rome. When he comes back and the barber says, "How was it?" "Great," he says. "Alitalia was wonderful airline. The hotel was great. And I got to meet the Pope!" "You met the Pope?" asked the barber. "I bent down to kiss the Pope's ring." "And what did he say?" "He said, 'Where did you get that crummy haircut?'" |
"So be it," Mr. Williams, "So be it." Henry W. Longfellow Br. Doc
And they that are Messiah's have impaled the flesh with the affections and lusts. Gal 5:24
The power of the stake brings purity to our lives.
PRAYER: FATHER, WE ARE THANKFUL THAT YOUR SON DIED ON THE STAKE FOR OUR SINS AND THAT WE CAN HAVE ETERNAL LIFE IF WE ACCEPT HIM AS OUR PERSONAL SAVIOUR. THANK YOU. HALLELUYAH! Bro. Doc
THE REASON I AM POSTING THIS SUBJECT IS BECAUSE SOMETHING CAME UP SAYING THAT SNCE WE CELEBRATE B-DAYS NOW IT IS OK TO CELEBRTE DEC 25. LETIS LOOK AT THE SUBJECT AND SEE IF IT IS OK.
BIRTHDAYS
DEFINITION FROM DICTIONARY: THE DAY OF ONE'S BIRTH OR ANNIVERSARY OF THAT DAY. IN
ENCY: IN SOME PLACES THE ANNIVERSARY OF ONE'S BIRTH, ESPECIALLY THAT OF A CHILD, IS CELEBERATED WITH A PARTY AND THE GIVING OF GIFTS.
MY COMMENT: NOT A SCRIPTURAL PRACTICE.
DO SCRIPTURAL REFFERENCES TO BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS PUT THEM IN A FAVORABLE LIGHT? THE SCRIPTURE MAKES ONLY TWO REFERENCES TO CELEBRATIONS: Ge 40:20-22 AND IT CAME TO PASS THE THIRD DAY, WHICH AS PHARAOH'S BIRTHDAY, THAT HE MADE A FEAST UNTO ALL HIS SERVANTS: AND HE LIFTED UP THE HEAD OF THE CHIEF BUTLER AND OF THE CHIEF BAKER AMONG HIS SERVANTS. AND HE RESTORED THE CHIEF BUTLER UNTO HIS BUTLERSHIP AGAIN; AND HE GAVE THE CUP INTO PHAROH'S HAND. BUT HE HANGED THE CHIEF BAKER; AS JOSPEH HAD INTERPRETED TO THEM.
Mt 14:6-10 BUT WHEN HEROD'S BIRTHDAY WAS KEPT, THE DAUGHTER OF HERODIAS DANCED BEFORE THEM, AND PLEASED HEROD. WHEREUPON HE PROMISED TO GIVE HER WHATSOEVER SHE WOULD ASK. AND SHE, BEING BEFORE INSTRUCTED OF HER MOTHER, SAID, GIVE ME HERE JOHN BAPTIST'S HEAD IN A CHARGER. AND THE KING WAS SORRY; NEVERTHELESS FOR THE OATH'S SAKE, AND THEM WHICH SAT WITH HIM AT MEAT, HE COMMANDED IT TO BE GIVEN HER. AND HE SENT, AND BEHEADED JOHN IN PRISON.
EVERYTHING THAT IS IN THE SCRIPTURE IS THERE FOR A REASON. (2Tim 3:16-17). TAKE NOTE THAT YAHVAH'S WORD REPORTS UNFAVORABLY ABOUT BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS AND SO SHUN THESE.
HOW DID EARLY RELIGIOUS PEOPLE AND JEWS OF THE SCRIPTURAL TIMES VIEW BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS?
"THE NOTION OF A BIRTHDAY FESTIVAL WAS FAR FROM THE IDEAS OF CHR-STIANS OF THIS PERIOD IN GENERAL."--THE HISTORY OF THE CHR-STIAN RELIGION AND CHURCH DURING THE THREE FIRST CENTURIES (N.Y. 1848). AUGUSTUS NEANDER (TRANSLATED BY HENRY J. ROSE), P 190
"THE HEBREWS LOOKED ON THE CELEBRATION OF BIRTHDAYS AS A PART OF IDOLATROUS WORSHIP, A VIEW WHICH WOULD BE ABUNDANTLY CONFIRMED BY WHAT THEY SAW OF THE COMMON OBSERVANCES ASSOCIATED WITH THESE DAYS," THE IMPERIAL BIBIE-DICTIONARY (LONDON 1871), EDITED BY PATRICK FAIRBAIRN VOL. 1, P 225.
WHAT IS THE ORIGIN OF POPULAR CUSTOMS ASSOCIATED WITH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS/
"THE VARIOUS CUSTOMS WITH WHICH PEOPLE TODAY CELEBRATE THEIR BIRTHDAYS HAVE A LONG HISTORY. THEIR ORIGINS LIE IN THE REALM OF MAGIC AND RELIGION. THE CUSTOMS OF OFFERING CONGRATULATIONS, PRESENTING GIFTS AND CELEBRATING--COMPLETE WITH LIGHTED CANDLES--IN ANCIENT TIMES WERE MEANT TO PROTECT THE BIRTHDAY CELEBRANT FROLM THE DEMONS AND TO ENSURE HIS SECURITY FOR THE COMING YEAR...DOWN TO THE FOURTH CENTURY CHR-STANITY REJECTED THE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION AS A PAGAN CUSTOM." --SCHWABISCHE ZEITUNG (MAGAZINE SUPPLEMENT ZEIT UND WELT0 APRIL 3/4, 1981, PG 4
"THE GREEKS BELIEVEDE THAT EVERYONE HAD A PROTECTIVE SPIRIT OR DAEMON WHO ATTENDED HIS BIRTH AND WATCHED OVER HIM IN LIFE. THIS SPIRIT HAD A MYSTIC RELATION WITH THE GOD ON WHOSE BIRTHDAY THE INDIVIDUAL WAS ORN. THE ROMANS ALSO SUBSCRIBED TO THIS IDEA...THIS NOTION WAS CARRIED DOWN IN HUMAN BELIEF AND IS REFLECTED IN THE GUARDIAN ANGEL, THE FIAIRY GODMOTHER AND THE PATRON SAINT...THE CUSTOM OF LIGHTED CANDLES ON THE CAKE STARTED WITH THE GREEKS...HONEY CAKES ROUND AS THE MOON AND LIT WITH TAPERS WERE PLACED ON THE TEMPLE ALTARS OF [ARTEMIS]...BIRTHDAY CANDLES, IN FOLK BELIEF , ARE ENDOWED WITH SPECIAL MAGIC FOR GRANTING WISHES...LIGHTED TAPERS AND SACRIFICAL FIRES HAVE HAD A SPECIAL MYSTIC SIGNIFICANCE EVER SINCE MAN FIRST SET UP ALTARS TO HIS GODS. THE BIRTHDAY CANDLES ARE THUS AN HONOR AND TRIBUTE TO THEBIRTHDAY CHILD AND BRING GOOD FORTUNE...BIRTHDAY GREETINGS AND WISHES FOR HAPPINESS ARE AN INTRINISTIC PART OF THIS HOLIDAY...ORIGINALLY THE IDEA WAS ROOTED IN MAGIC...BIRTHDAY GREETINGS HAVE POWER FOR GOOD OR ILL BECAUSE ONE IS CLOSER TO THE SPIRIT WORLD ON THIS DAY." THE LORE OF BIRTHDAYS (N.Y. 1952) RALPH AND ADELIN LINTON, PGS 8,18-20
Now with this information should we keep Birthdays or anyone at anytime? Bro. Doc
Why Specs Live ForeverThe US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specs and Bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses. |
Pythagoras Was A Native AmericanOn the banks of a river sat three indian women, sitting on three different animal skins. On a deer skin was a woman with her son, and the son weighed 140 pounds. On a buffalo skin was another woman, and her son who weighed 160 pounds. And on a hippopotamus skin sat an immense indian woman, who weighed 300 pounds herself. A native american mathemetician saw this and noted that the squaw on the hippopotamus was equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides. |
One LinerDid you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures? His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him... so he wound up with buck teeth. |
You Get What You Pay ForA woman went out to her yard one morning and found her dog just laying there, not moving at all. She thought it might be dead, but since it was a basset hound and never moved much anyway, she wanted to be sure... after all, she didn't want to bury it and then find out it wasn't. So she took it to the vet. The vet agreed to take a look. He shook the dog gently. He checked for a doggy pulse, but couldn't find one. He held a mirror up to the dog's nose but it stayed clear. He said, "Well, the dog does look dead; but I'd like to run one more test." He goes into the other room and brings back an animal carrier. He opens the door and a cat comes out, walks around the dog two or three times, and finally lifts it's head and tail and goes back into the carrier. Vet says, "Well, ma'am, I'm sorry to say but your dog is dead." "Well, that's what I came here to find out," she says, "How much do I owe you?" "That'll be $520." "What?" she screams, "$520 to tell me my dog's dead?? Why so much?" "Well," said the vet, "it's $20 for the office visit, and $500 for the cat scan." |
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