05/27/2013

  • JOKES

    Doctor Doctor

    Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I’m a caterpillar
    Don’t worry you’ll soon change!

    Doctor, Doctor you’ve taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don’t feel well.
    That’s quite enough out of you!

    Doctor, Doctor I’ve got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet.
    Sounds like you’ve got Foot and Mouth disease!

    Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish
    Poor sole!

    Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a spider
    What a web of lies!

    Doctor, Doctor I’m a burglar!
    Have you taken anything for it?

    Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father
    Never mind just so long as he’s healthy!

    What is Black?

    Shopping for a black cotton sweater, I couldn’t find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue.

    After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. “Mark,” she called to her co-worker, “what are we calling black this year?”

    Women and Cats

    I’ve never understood why women love cats.

    Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.

    In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

    No Sound Support

    I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information.

    So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I’d just give her my credit card number and be on my way.

    Almost.

    Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you’ve chosen doesn’t have sound support?”

    Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”

    Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won’t be able to hear it.”

    Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”

    Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”

    Saleswoman: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How does it accomplish this feat?”

    Saleswoman: “I’m not technical enough to answer that. Please hold.”

    I stayed on hold for five minutes and hung up.